Depression Awareness

Oh the month of November and the dark issues it can bring. 

I struggle with depression, daily, and I forget sometimes that I am not the only one. November has a habit of bringing out the depression in a lot of people because it is a darker month. We lose an hour of daylight and it starts to mess with our heads. I am also highly affected by S.A.D. or Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is a common thing, especially in Canadians, because we live with a vitamin D deficiency. 

Just today I was approached by a girl from my past who seems to be struggling with Postpartum Depression. (PPD) Another common issue that usually goes undiagnosed because mamas are too afraid to admit that they might have trouble with this task that they did not automatically take to, like all the women around them. Little do they know that there are women all around them that are feeling the exact same way. There are so many ways that PPD can show up in a new mama's life and each child can bring up different issues within one mama. I myself struggled with PPD with both of my girls, but in totally different ways. With my oldest I didn't want anything to do with her, and I just wanted my old life back. It is hard to admit, but I know that it was because of a chemical imbalance. I LOVE my daughters more than anything I could possibly imagine, but I had a hard time bonding with my first baby. It is a complete shock to the system when you transition from a life without a baby to a life with this tiny being that literally cannot live without you and sucks you of your "life juice". With my second baby I managed to bond really well with her, but I just wanted to have her all to myself. Again, my oldest got the short end of the stick and was being pushed away because of reasons that were out of our control. Leaving the house gave me extreme anxiety and it was something I seriously had to get over. 

So, I sought help. 

After my first baby I was put on the drug Zoloft. I started with a very low dose. After my second baby my dose was upped a little bit and I had 3000 units of vitamin D added too. Two years later I had my dose upped again, to a larger dose, but still fairly low, of Zoloft and I am now consistently taking 6000 units of vitamin D. Those things help me get through my daily life. I also got a counsellor after my first pregnancy and had a counsellor throughout my second pregnancy and afterwards as well. The counselling really helped me with some coping mechanisms that get me through daily life. 

Depression, in and of itself, is hard to deal with because there is a stigma behind it that says there is something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with YOU if you struggle with depression, there is probably something wrong with the chemicals in your brain. You don't necessarily have control over that. It isn't like you chose that for yourself. There are circumstances where bitterness and unforgiveness can make depression much, MUCH worse, along with chronic pain and other outside influences, but, for the most part, you have no control over the chemicals in your brain. Just like a diabetic needs insulin, I need my medication. And just like a diabetic, I can make my life easier with control of my diet and exercise, I will still need to have some medical intervention in order to live a "normal" life. 

There are people out there who will think I am totally wrong and that everything mentioned above can me solved by diet, exercise and prayer, and I do think those things help in a HUGE way... But sometimes there are things that are just out of our control that we need to accept, seek help and move on. Those things will make our lives harder and probably give us limitations.... And so be it. Because I would rather live a full life with some limitations than push myself past the breaking point and not be able to live life at all. 

So all you readers out there who struggle with depression of any kind, know that you are not alone. According to the Canadian Mental Health Associaton (http://www.cmha.ca/media/fast-facts-about-mental-illness/#.Vj7vxl9fOnM) every Canadian is affected by depression some time through a family member, friend or colleague. Also, 20% of Canadians will personally experience depression in their lifetime. That is huge. So the population of Canada is about 35.16 million people according to the 2013 cencus and 20% of that is over 7,000,000 people. More than 7 million people suffer with depression at some point in their lives. There are all sorts of scary statistics that are on that website, and I would encourage you to check it out. 

If you are someone who has never experienced depression personally, then here are a few tips on how to deal with someone who does. 

#1. Our feelings are REAL. They may not be based in reality, but they are real, and they don't need to be explained away or fixed, but we just need to get our feelings out. To be completely honest, once we hear the words come out of our own mouths we do hear how ridiculous we sound, but we DONT need to hear someone else tell us that. Telling someone their feelings are stupid is not a smart idea. (My husband tried that once... It was not pretty)

#2. Implying that there is something that we can do to make things better is not helpful. "Pull up your boot straps", "keep a stiff upper lip", "change your focus".... These ideas are not helpful. We would LOVE to have a quick easy fix for how we are feeling, but we don't have control over our own emotions. Even the most basic of daily tasks can make us feel debilitating anxiety. 

It is so hard to explain to someone who has never been there, but, please, take my word for it. Our emotions freak us out enough without a reaction that is negative from the people around us. Sometimes we just need to have a good, old fashioned, ugly cry. Then we will need your help picking up the pieces and your encouragement to put them into the right places. 

#3. People with depression have LIMITS. This is not a bad thing, this is a self awareness thing. Another word for limits is boundaries. Some people with depression ignore their boundaries and they crash and burn on a regular basis. It is hard to come to terms with the boundaries that our mental health sets up, and so we think that we can live life like the people around us, get frustrated when we can't, and then just keep trying. (The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.) 

So, when someone with depression is aware of their boundaries, respects their boundaries, and vocalizes their boundaries it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to respect those boundaries. I get after my 5 year old for saying, "Common, you know it's fun!" because it is peer pressure. Disrespecting someone's boundaries is the same thing. If we know our boundaries, set our boundaries and then someone disrespects our boundaries it just makes everything worse. Setting boundaries is not showing our weakness... It is showing our strength. 

I hope that this was helpful for the people out there who read this blog. Depression can be scary and is hard to cope with, but there is help out there, free of charge, that can help you over the hurdles in the race of life.